Take a deep breath, and let your mind soar

i am a coward
it has become apparent that i have a very low threshold for pain. that's odd, considering i once spent around 2 months in agony that up till today, makes my stomach clench when i think about it. you'd think that all those months, plus my monthly dose of cramps should make me a superwoman to pain.

evidently that's not how it works. on my one day off (which i might add i was really looking forward to) i woke up in much pain.

a few days ago i was walking, and i slipped (note to self: do not wear flats with soles that are completely worn beyond hope) and scraped my knee

in my head i was like: $#@% it HURTS!

anyway, it's really not as monumental as i made it out to be but it's just been so long since i scraped my knee (or fell for that matter) and so i just panicked. truth be told i noticed that a dark spot of blood had appeared on my stocking after i worked up the courage to look at it. but i was at uni, and it really wasn't the best time to peel off my stockings and check. so i just left it, and limped around for the rest of the day costume shopping, going round the city, and then dinner.

and when i got home, when i peeled the stocking off (yes i actually had to peel it off coz the fabric had stuck itself into the blood) i stared in morbid fascination at wound. ._. it was kinda oozy by then, and some blood had like congealed around the sides. (I AM BLEEDING TO DEATH I TELL YOUUUU)

i swear sometimes i think i am retarded.

still couldn't decide what to do with it. so i just left it. got called a wuss and was later convinced to dab a wet tissue and clean the stocking fibres off it.. (gross)

anyway to cut the story short, it's infected and now my knee is mildly swollen :(
i seriously don't know how kids can do this all the time, and i REALLY don't remember knee scrapes hurting as much.

although from memory, scab peeling is FUN. heee. now i wait in anticipation for my knee to heal so i can pick the scab! in the meantime i sit incapacitated by my knee injury, plus my cramps, and so i'm not doing work. despite having a List.

how come when we're kids we fall and pick ourselves up and just go right on and keep on falling and picking ourselves up and learning and growing..?

and then as we grow older each fall hurts so much more ._.? and it's so much harder to pick yourself up and keep going...?

how come i was braver then as a kid and now, ten years later, i'm always scared?
(scared is metaphoric, like you know, not scared of the dark or insects - although i am but that's not the point - the point is, i have this never-ending list of fears and they restrict me until i feel like each one is a little metal weight that i drag around that prevents me from friggin LIVING LIFE.)

van lost her pen and i told her to have faith that it'll turn up. i have no idea why i promised something i don't know for sure. so i hope the damn thing shows up in a week. =P

viva la vida.

Friday, July 18, 2008 at 12:46 AM

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