warning: skip to post below. not for the faint hearted.

sometimes it's hard having a public blog where everything you say is restricted because you never know who's out there reading it. as it is at the moment i haven't actually found out how to restrict entries but i need a place to vent frustrations. so yeah, skip down to entry below unless you want to read a bunch of emo crap in which case, if you choose to, i hold completely no responsibility for.

lately things seem to be piling up and getting on top of me, i feel like im buried under the constant stream of things i have to do as well as the expectations people have of me. on one hand, there's work which i swear is making me aggro because people constantly telling you off or swearing at you just for doing your job.. i duno. for six hours straight, you try and sound perky and enthusiastic by really by the end of the shift what i really want is something i can sink my teeth into or stab viciously and pretend its all the horrible customers i get over the phone.

so yeah. works all that. then there's family and we come to a whole different level of stress. just because i have a job now, my mom sorta assumes that makes me like financially independant or something and shes fully expecting me to pay for every single one of my expenses.. and on top of that things are messed up at home.. and that i don't even want to go into or i might really stab the nearest thing.

so we have happy xinni, the one that meets the friends and tucks away all these things neatly and doesnt let a single bad thought or feeling escape.
then there's angry xinni, who emerges the moment something gets me at the wrong time or shits me.

and now i'm feeling particularly shitty bcoz what i just did was let them both come together.. i don't even have control of who i want to be anymore.