the last day of high school is the day
- everything is a flurry of photo-taking and signing.
- rude messages and massive penises appear on the walls, locker doors, tables, whiteboards.. etc. lots of dicktation :p
- teachers frantically scrub out the multi-sized penises vandalized everywhere.
- after six years, the students finally bellow the school song at the top of their lungs.
- you forgive those annoying people who throw food at the fan.. (what happens after? shit hits the fan) just for making the year more memorable.
- you realize that despite wishing all year for it to be over, you now wish you could turn back time.
- your teachers buy you food and smile in your photos, no matter how much they really hate you, because they're finally getting you out of their pants hair.
- and we step out looking to the future and what it holds.. not looking back.

i realized.. i will never sit in class matchmaking people in my head again, never sit in class bluetoothing randoms again, never kneel beside my locker neighbours and ritually moan about school on a monday morning again, never queue up in the common room for the lousy microwave again, never go with my friends to scab food from the canteen again, never wag class again, never piss off the anal librarian again....

awww.

my last few days? pictures soon when i get the time.

p/s rugby tops finally came, they're quite.. butt-ugly. massive yellow strip down the side :(

it's late.. i should be sleeping.. but for some reason, even though my eyes are closing and my head feels heavy, i feel weighed down by all the thoughts running around inside that head of mine..

which is probably why i'm blogging now, since long ago i decided that this blog wasn't meant to be private. but since i just changed the url, and haven't updated properly in ages, i don't think this'll be read by many people anyway.

things change in an instant.. no matter how much i tell myself that there are some things that you can hold on to in this world where everything just seems to rush by in the blink of an eye.. people are gone, moments are lost.. and they will never come back to you again.. or at other moments time seems to slow and you're stuck in a painful moments, watching the world go by and trapped in your own existence.. limited.. weighed down.. and unable to break free.

i don't know what i want anymore, i feel like i'm being split into a person i don't recognize anymore. sometimes i wonder, if i were to look through the eyes of another person, what kind of person would they see when they look at me? it feels like i'm changing.. and yet, with this change it feels like i'm growing further away from the things that matter and drifting..

is it all part of growing up?

so.. very.. tired. i don't know if i can muster the energy to plod to the end of vce and still give it my best shot. part of me knows i would hate to regret not working hard enough, the other part simply can't pick up the pace and mug like nuts.

all i know is that, i'm feeling increasingly unprepared to deal with the world out there. i wish i could go into an oyster shell, become that pearl and emerge to take the world in a stride.

the sad reality is that the only constant in life is change, and sometimes you need to be out of your comfort zone to gain a few more experiences, and learn and grow from them.

i just pray that the realisation will hit me before it's too late. and with that realisation, the unwavering faith and trust that God will send me where He wants me to go.

我问爱情有没有站牌 有没有线索可猜
我问邂逅什么时候来 我该用什么心态

等一份情走进下个现在 让未来有惊喜意外
相信盼爱的平凡女孩 不须再平凡的等待

遇上爱那一天 有个他能思念
想像谁把涟漪放我心里面
遇上爱某年某天 两人之间 用默契相连
从那天 我就会 许下愿

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

Guess what I have!
KRISPY KREMES!~ :)

when i bought them, i told the lady to pack them into smaller boxes coz i can't carry two wide boxes. so all up, i was lugging around 4 boxes of donuts.

i swear there were hobos at melbourne central station eyeing my donuts greedily, so i clutched them a bit closer and scurried away really fast.

yeh and when janean saw me: 'OMG XINNI LIM A BIT OVERBOARD?!' :D


i duno, this is after a coupla hours, the glaze is a little bit sunken but omg, still as good as ever.

at night i got hungry and came upstairs to steal a donut.
i found my boxes piled on top of this bowl and the plate.

me: mummy why are my donuts stacked on top of the plate and bowl -_-'
mum: LOOK! *points excitedly to the plate*

on closer inspection, the plate had some water in it. puzzled, i asked .."why is there water?"

my mum proudly replied: 'NO ANTS LAH!蚂蚁不会游泳吗！' (meaning : ants cannot swim!)
i.e. they can crawl up the side of the plate but can't crawl up the bowl, coz of the water.

it's like a moat and a castle!

i swear, she is so auntie. :D but i thought that was pretttyyy smart.

gee, even the ants want to steal my donuts :(

update: the msn strike has begun.
number of times i've tried to hack my own account: 8 and counting.
amount of time i've spent on facebook instead: -don't even talk about it. LOL.

before i go, i duno if anyone else has noticed it, but on my tagboard some pretty strange and disturbing things are going on.. between a certain Jimmy Lin and Melina Han. -.-

no msn for a month :)
i don't want to live with regrets..
don't want to miss out getting into a course by like 1 mark..
don't want to get my enter score with a sinking feeling..
don't want to disappoint my grandparents..
even though i haven't tried my best this year.. and i already regret not studying harder..

this one last month before exams *exactly 1 month* is the last chance i have at giving it my best shot.
better pray i don't find distractions elsewhere.

i got a harsh call to reality today when i was doing spesh. somehow, sitting in a lecture, watching someone go through the steps you're supposed to do, is a whole lot less confusing that doing it all by yourself.

and no matter how much i say i'd get 20 for spesh, i really really really would like at least a 30.

before i go, here's a verse i find encouraging..
Phillipians 3: 13 - 14 : "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

PRESS ON! GOOD LUCK EVERYONE :)