in an effort to vent my frustration, i'm blogging for the third time in a day. Good gosh, i seem to be turning into one of those mad bloggers who do 329048321904 posts in a day. briefly considered deleting this blog but it seems like a waste; all my past year's worth of memories, despite how vague and impersonal (public blogs are NEVER personal, don't go posting shit that could offend people or make people think 'is that me they're referring to in the post?' etc.. and there's no law that says u can't post craploads of emo-ness but personally, it's just way too weird having a bunch of people - u don't even know who - read your innermost thoughts and feelings) anyway, they are good chronicles of what i've spent the last year or two doing, which i guess is better than having no memory at all. i did go back and revisit posts from last year on one ocassion or two that i had nothing better to do and it was nice just to browse the stuff i'd written, and muse about how in the span of one short year i sound like a completely different person already.

i spent my afternoon fuming and reading this book for lit next year, Speaking in Tongues. It's a complex play written by an Australian playwright in 1996 and it's about the relationships between people, and how in three parts, strangers' lives can be interweaved with one another, and how in the span of mere moments someone can pour out their deepest needs, while people who have been living together for years cannot close the barrier or distance between them. fascinating book, but it ran circles around my head. it's tough to keep track of the lives of 12 people when they're all interconnected in some way and i had to keep referring to earlier bits in the book to bridge the connection. Very ambiguous and vague but it shows relationships being broken in the course of one mistake, and how a decision made in the spur of a moment changes every single thing, and how, the code of moral conduct in people can shift so flexibly; to excuse judgment errors and mistakes. yep, i enjoy something that challenges me to think about it, so i gave my brain a good workout.


dum dee dum.. dad's been yelling allll day i'm starting to see red patches in my vision -_-''

yes i think i reaaaaaaally need to go already.

Here I am, blogging again..

After consuming an excessive amount of chocolate again (it's something with me and periods i think, whenever i have my period i tend to eat chocolate like easter bunny) I can't get to sleep, my mind is racing and i'm thinking very very hard about some important things now *sigh* i've been poking at this for hours now, and still no lightbulb of enlightenment.

Two more days to china. I spent Christmas indoors packing my bags and cleaning up my room. Mess accumalates when you're too tired and lazy to put things back in the right places once in awhile, so i paid for that little error with a coupla hours worth of cleaning. if dustbunnies exist, there would have been a few playing happily on my dresser. :P

Quite excited about the trip now. Last year I did a whole countdown starting from nearly three weeks to

--------* continued a couple of days later..

nearly forgot about this draft. in a few hours i'll be on the plane to china! hopefully this trip will help me grow both spiritually and in my relationships with others. i don't really know what to expect just yet. last year i had all this enthusiasm and energy, and i even dreamt about the trip several times (that's how excited i was!) but it didn't turn out anything like i thought it would be. rather, it was a whole eye-opening experience. when i thought i'd seen it all, i saw something else that pulled at me. so this time, i'm trying to keep an open mind.. even though we're revisiting some places and dog meat and insects won't horrify me anymore.. well.. the surprise element is lost in any case.. bring it on! :P

don't really know what i can bring to this trip, other than chinese speaking. i suppose that's my main contribution to it, but even then it seems puny coz of how little i speak chinese now. watching smiling pasta makes me wanna go to taiwan and find an 'ah zhe' for myself! it's kinda stupid how every single time i watch a tb taiwanese series with the SAME kind of actor, makes me go all gooey and soft inside.. :]

had a long talk last night with gloria before falling asleep. i realised that i'm entirely not sure of where i'm going, what i'm doing, and i don't really want to figure it out too. i think i'm more content and secure just leaving it in God's hands.. and trusting that whatever happens will happen for His reasons. that kind of faith is pretty hard, it's like taking a blind leap when the road brings you to a fork, what do you pick?

i spent the morning printing out photos and organising my music on the mp3. got an email that says our internal flight from Guangzhou to Guiyang will be delayed by 12 hours or so due to weather conditions.. i am SO looking forward to being sore, stiff, tired, overfed from the first flight to wander around Guangzhou airport doing nothing for 12 hours.. so i brought one of my lit books for next year (btw, having second thoughts now coz everyone seems to say that lit is really hard to score.. noo pleaseeee :( i suppose i'll have to work extra hard now. it shouldn't be too much difference since i like it right?) so yeah, for some reassurance i brought one of my lit books and the driving book to learn so when i come back i can take my L's and start driving asap :D

just counted that we'll have so many in-flight meals, it's not funny. there's nothing much to do on flights except pig out and watch movies while sitting on ur bum for the whole time.. and they always load u full with refreshments, more refreshments, coke, breakfast lunch dinner in full three course or so. geebus. we're gonna sink the plane before even getting there -_-''

i haven't showered for 2 days already. christmas period this year was so cold and dreary, raining everyday and all. didn't do much for the atmosphere of christmas but it made it colder.. hmm i made pasta yesterday haha.. all that watching smiling pasta made me hungry for pasta. on impulse i grabbed a bottle of nandos peri peri sauce and doused my pasta with it and guess what :P YUM. heh. perhaps there's a future chef in me! i beg to differ what zuning said >.< - according to him my kids in the future will be like 'eh?' when i dish out regular servings of pineapple and chocolate with everything hahah.. :P sounds like something i'd do.

morning ceremony.
i bring u sexyback..
geloria
the guys..
issac. :P jk. isaac.
..
edemglotim
haaardgay?
amiiiieeee, the bridesmaid! isnt she pretty!
the 2 tims embracing each other lovingly..
zubu?
tofu! smelly, white, soft and runny..
tiiiinaaaa!
aw group.. tofu, neil, zubu, timmeh, chunni, em, xin, glo, ed
glo, tofu, xin, chunni
more tofu!
ed, timmeh, xinbean, em, tofu, pris, xc, mo, zubu, glo, mau
yay we matched!
wedding cake :D andrew & christine
wee im flying?
look how TALL i am!

my other half -_-''
chris is pimpin'

yiing, amanda, glo, xin, trasi, em
chunni!!
eeedddiiieee sheeeeenie
more photowhoring
monster in my bed
:)
morning ceremony.
aww.

okok cbs anymore needa pack for china and do some last minute stuff.

merry christmas everyone :) tc! see ya when i get back from china!

sometimes i can't bite the doubt down, and it makes me wonder, 'what's the point?'. actions speak louder than words, and i would like to hear words from your heart.

or if cannot i'll settle for some touching stuff in chinese ^_^

wanted to try my hand at writing an entry in chinese but i realized 1) the program to write chinese characters isn't installed in my laptop (pft, i was supposed to do it since last year but i kept on putting it off) and 2) my chinese is horrible, if i wrote anything it'll sound very lame :( i love smiling pasta and gino! :D

soppy teenybopper taiwanese series always gets me every time. strange how i can feel more for a tv show and hurt for the characters in it but pretty much stay apathetic to alot of other more real things. i think i'm just weird.

wow. just then, i felt the strangest sensation like something was really really heavy in my chest, and all of a sudden i wanted to puke. ................. i hope im not getting sicker.

像断了线　消失人海里面
我的眼终于失去　你的脸 再等一会　奢望流星会出现
愿　如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天　或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天　越来越远 北极星的眼泪　说不出的想念
原来我们活在　两个世界
北极星的眼泪　你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言　淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见 再等一会　奢望流星会出现
愿　如果真的实现
爱能不能永远
明天　或许来不及变
但曾经走过的昨天　越来越远 北极星的眼泪　说不出的想念
原来我们活在　两个世界
北极星的眼泪　你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言　淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见 当对的人等不到对的时间
就在放开双手的瞬间　爱撕成两边 北极星的眼泪　说不出的想念
原来我们活在　两个世界
北极星的眼泪　你哭红的双眼
被淋湿的诺言　淹没在心里面
我抬头看着爱不见 两个宇宙中都　流眼泪

weee im in a rambley mood today, so i'll ramble.. yeh my advice - just ignore this post.
first of all birthday shoutout to gloria my favourite malaysian in the world.. 17 today deary! hope you have an awesome year ahead.
phwoar so tired, drained after luna parking today. first time ive been. mm. twas alright, lots of little kids and big kids like us.. got myself dizzy going upside down on some big spinning wheel thing ^^ i started off screaming and then i got dizzy and everything blurred, i didnt know whether we were up or down anymore so i just stoned through the rest of the ride. i reckon one REALLY under-rated ride is the ship that goes from side to side, fricken hell, it pulls at your insides, i was like.. o.O MY STOMACH IS FALLING and then a coupla seconds later . . >.<> (*&^%$ing scary haunted house.. uber creepy. :P nar it was gay, came out and felt disappointed at the anticlimax. the operator was scarier than the ride .. no scratch that, even the pitch blackness was scarier than the props and effects. and this big ride thing that just swings you from side to side.. now i know what it feels like to be clothes sitting inside a washing machine. tumbled upside down relentlessly. good thing however was that the safety barrier was pressed down extremely hard which was.. good for me, and bad for guys :D it hurted them i think ;)

past coupla days. lemme recount.
i watched eragon yeh its like a cheap ripoff of LOTR but still good xD i do enjoy those types of movies so. after watching i decided i would like a pet dragon for my 16th YES YOU HEARD ME A PET DRAGON pink or purple with sparkly scales please ^^.. no i have not lost my mind. i was rather touched by the dragons loyalty to the rider. have decided to read the series when i get round to it. had dinner at southbank with relos. like. .?! . 30 bucks for a plate with a small bump of rice and alot of clams on it. cheaparses ._. its the size of a columbos entree meal. what a ripoff. pfft. seafood pilaf. snort. had trampoline for desert. YES YES I LOVE GELATI XD weee more than real food i think. summers here and xinni lives on sugar.

i adore my baby niece and my nephew. theyre cute kids. :D

aww shucks. I WANT KIDS, damnit.

anyway had mission training a few days ago. i rmb being more prepared even though we started preparing alot later for last years trip. this year everyones like mehh to learn their lines in chinese and stuff.
stuff coming up in the week. - reports & new books mon. eds bday weds. pris bday thurs. prolly yumcha'ing or smth. christines wedding sat. xmas service at church mon. boxing day tues. weds - WEEE WE'RE LEAVING.

its gonna be awesome.

1.12 AM

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Against such things there is no law.'
Galatians 5:22- 24

:( boy oh boy is my spirit not very fruitful.

they say no man is an island.. but if the world was left with just me and my mum, i think i'd become tasmania.

sometimes i think i crave approval, at the rate i get all excited whenever i'm praised. geez i must be deprived or something.

holidays holidays. so far, it's not what i've expected it to be, not that it's bad or anything.

went to the beach yesterday. guess where? mornington peninsula. luna park was closed to our dismay. but we've checked the website, and we'll call up, so the next time we go, we'll definitely get in.
not a bad idea, although probably one of the most random and spur of the moment impulse things this year.
the tourist information centre seemed a stretch away from where we were at that time, which was near the beach.
doesn't that look oh so inviting?
couldn't resist. :D waded in after rolling up leggings. a bit of a mistake, coz skin on my legs were dry and cracked due to harsh winter weather and the salt water hurt :(
eh don't laugh :( this is the first time i climbed a tree! didn't get very far though. on second thoughts, the ground was beginning to look very far away. so i sat there and acted like i climbed very high already :D
tim's car became a six seater yesterday instead of five.
yeh, so it was cold and fun. wanted to stay over at mornington, but.. :(

anyway. maybe we can plan to go down to rosebud or one of the nearby towns sometime, as well as luna park.. and yumcha'ing.. i reaaaally want to yumcha *greedy*

did a whole heap of translating of puppet scripts today. people think it's a simple matter of replacing words in another language but they don't realise that there's rephrasing and stuff involved to make the order of words and flow of sentence make sense. oh well, good practice for chinese sl next year..

which by the way, i'm aiming to get above 40 raw. skimmed the papers today, nearly went cross eyed looking at all the names on the list. next year i better find my name more than once. :P but it's abit of a relief that our school doesn't seem to have done too spectacularly for psychology, coz i counted 2 45's, 1 43 and 4 42's..... hehehe.

ok.. end of post. gnite all.

ooh. one more thing. gloria drove me around for abit today. how exciting!

when do you know someone? when you realise the meaning behind every word, every action, and it seems that maybe what's unspoken speaks louder than what is.

that being said, i don't think i really know many people at all.

you can know someone and realize, knowing the other definition of know, you barely know them at all. and those big question marks are popping up in your head, floating around tauntingly.. maybe you'll skip across this bump in the road, and cruise along.. and eventually, slowly all the bumps will wear the tires out until you can't go any more.

and when it comes to the crunch, don't we all just want someone who knows us inside out, and vice versa.

weeee. it's gonna be fun.

i'm so tired, i just wanna shut my eyes and sleep forever. no more energy left to deal with anything else now.

don't mind me, i'm rambling. yes, vce results are out, it's over. and i'm over with it. the academic portion of this year is officially CLOSED.

i'm proud of all you guys yeh. no matter what you got, it's your sweat and blood spending hours at the desk when you could be doing so many other things. don't let what other people say put you down because you all did fantastically so.. yeah, it's time to let go and RELAX!

ooooooooooooooooooookay

full panic mode just kicked in.

MēŁïŋå ²°°6-[ ask me for my subject score and i'll slap yo face.][ study.] says (12:22 AM):
the whole of vics adverage
MēŁïŋå ²°°6-[ ask me for my subject score and i'll slap yo face.][ study.] says (12:22 AM):
for psycho 3/4 is 28
MēŁïŋå ²°°6-[ ask me for my subject score and i'll slap yo face.][ study.] says (12:22 AM):
the ADVERAGE

OMEDHGFASDHFADSF

i ate blackforest cake with chilli flakes out of a cakebox. mm. spicy cake.

i played barbie and neopets.

im going nuts. i feel like puking.

I cannot take my mind off 7AM tomorrow. God knows what I'll be like exactly a year from now. I can only hope that a year from now, at 7AM i will be crying of happiness, not disappointment. Should stop lazing around so that it actually happens. I don't think it's fully sunk in just yet, because I feel really blank and empty, somewhat hollow. Feeling kinda lost and alone at the moment. Like if someone were to knock into me, I'd respond with a resounding clonk that echoes. Am listening to Jay Chou now for a calming effect..~Everytime I'm on the verge of being unable to deal with things, Jay Chou is always playing. Of course when I think back to alot of my most memorable moments this year, I vaguely remember Jay Chou singing in my head. I'm just trying to distract myself now. Don't think I'll sleep much tonight. I don't think anyone in my family knows why I'm so agitated and jumpy today.. don't really want to tell them either before I find out anyway. Honestly, I don't know what to expect.. please, please, please let it be good. i put in so much effort for psych, more than i ever have for anything, but i know i could have done more.. i can only pray that what i've done is enough. i'll be crushed if the biggest effort i've ever made to achieve something doesn't do well.. do me a favour, if i don't want to say what i got, don't push it. and i think, if i don't do well, i'm going to drown my sorrows and forget about it awhile, and maybe when i'm ready to deal with it just dig a hole and burrow myself in there for a month until i feel better.

...don't mind me, i'm just rambling. very needy for some comfort now.

how bout i tell you some of my most memorable moments this year.. or maybe not, some are abit private to be shared. :]

the past couple of days..

ridiculously hot. in singapore we had the problem of manic indonesian farmers starting bushfires to clear their land. in melbourne we don't need the help of manic indonesian farmers, the bush catches fire by itself -_-'' it's so hot i don't feel like doing anything except flopping in an air conditioned cool room to watch TV or read a sappy romance novel.

FRIDAY MIDNIGHT: went to pick up relatives at the airport. my aunt, cousins, and their families are here. there're two very cute little kids, greg, who's seven, and geri, who's three. the last time i saw geri, she was a baby.. yeah, that's how long it's been. and my cousin's wife was under the impression that my sis and i were small girls ._. flight was delayed, so when we arrived there at 1.15am, we picked them up at 3.30 nearly. i was so tired i was beginning to see things, and my eyeballs were getting itchy coz my contacts were drying up. but it was nice to see them again, even though we're not close or anything, but family is family :) driving back was so quiet and serene, it looked like our car was the only one on the road.

SATURDAY: crawled out of bed, realized i was too late to collect our cake. blearily called gloria, who just woke up too. o_O i got there half an hour late. 36 degree day, it was sweltering. but the best thing was all the people who were there yesterday, cos that's what made it most enjoyable. thanks for coming you all. you guys made the day special. i missed a couple of faces though - jan and bena :( sighh, hope you guys are enjoying being overseas! then off to gloria's place bumming, playing taboo and singing karaoke :D...

then we decided to go to st. kilda.
'soooo.. what do u guys wanna do now...'
'its too hooooot >.<'
'lets go somewhere cool..'
'lets go to st kilda.'
*silence*
'ogay'

on the way there we passed by an accident. pretty bad, cos the car was all black and the front was all like, charred and bent out of shape. the engine must've caught fire or something, coz there was a fire engine and paramedics. three cars damaged.. like a domino effect. very scary. =( i hope the guys okay. like.. what's bad is that the other drivers didn't have anything to do with it and their cars are stuffed now.. rar.

st kilda was perfect yesterday night. not too cool, coz of the hot day, but just nice. and there were very few people, just the lights and the water and the sand.. :D *cue play xing qing* would like to go back sometime.

TODAY: soooo deprived of sleep. could barely keep my eyes open. carwash = good. hot. raised close to a thousand, yay.

ok cbb nemore. study scores come out tomorrow. nervous.. really nervous. i might not sleep tonight.....

PUPPETS
today i was reunited with my old friend stripe :D thats her on the right? left? whatever. the one with multicolored hair and the pink shirt, looking away from the cam. hoho.. yeh, me & her we got sweet memories of prancing around on those makeshift stages in china. good to see her again, cept after 1 year of not having her shower she stinks a bit..just..a bit. haha, nearly shat myself laughing today with all the perverted and obscene stuff you can make puppets do.. :p

chris: i got joy, joy, joy, down in my.. *looks down*.. um..heartttt............?

and that was just one of them.

anyway. i love. jerry. yan! just saw on aderyl's blog how he became a world vision ambassador. phwoooar. hot guy, with good heart. can't get any better. unless he's stupid or something but he doesn't look it. siiiigh. i always remember how his character in MG would stand up for the girl, and protect her, and care for her and love her to the best of his abilities.. whatever he could give her, he gave her.. siiigh. *xinni turns into a puddle*

anyhow, i love my sister ._. she read my mind, bought me the shorts i wanted for my birthday, except that i got them already .. so now i have to go return a pair lol.. ran a few errands today, ordered a cake for tomorrow - blackforest.. and took passport photos for my concession application, dropped by school to hand in my booklist, and getting a fringe trim later. my fringe seems to grow faster than the rest of my hair.. =x

--------*-----------*
yesterday while driving around aimlessly we wandered into a golf course. there was this bridge over the freeway, and despite the bustle of traffic beneath, it was strangely both peaceful and quiet while being not. if that made sense. the air was cool, slightly chilly and the sun was setting in the distance.. colors splayed across the sky..felt like i was damn near the top of the world.. :D there was no pressure, no worry, no burdens. just this isolated place, above everything else, kinda like it was forgotten. sometimes i love living in melbourne.
and then i screamed, IM FLYING!! and i leapt off the bridge.

only joking.
have a sunset :)

Click
just finished watching click. just like that, i'm adding another movie to my list of favourites. this has got to be one of the best movies i've seen this year, and there were many. adam sandler's an awesome actor, i love his versatility and raw talent!

my face is sore from all the crying i did. i bawled throughout the movie.. and it's going to show -_- (<- thats what my face is going to look like tomorrow) YES i know it's a comedy, and i did my fair share of cracking up but the sad bits were heartwrenching. it got to me, it really did. don't want to ruin the movie for those who haven't watched it yet, but it's something really worth watching, and if you take the same lessons as i did from it, you'll sit back and think about how you live your life, and what's really important in it.. which moments.. if you could 'rewind' to.. would you go back to? whos face would you long to see when you're all alone.. and.. what will you regret at the end of your life?

someone tell me what the difference between a lemming, and a lamington is.
are they related?

anyway. i'm beginning to feel that all-too-familiar feeling of being sick of melbourne.. i wish the days would hurry up and fly already so we can go to china! i got called up by the victorian police today or something, to ask about the nature of my police check.

police : *strong..VERYSTRONG indian accent* iamcallingtocheckaboutwhyyouwantapolicecheck?
me : whaa? (i caught the words police. my mouth like hung open in shock = O )
it took me awhile to make sense of what she was saying.

btw, myers has a couple of nice dresses........... :D hee..hee..

lol.

i'm so bored i changed my nail color again. i hate how, before everything gets really busy, there's always this laggy period of time where you don't really know what to do.. obviously, it's not due to a true lack of things to do, but a restlessness where you don't know what else you can do that might be remotely exciting and gives you the same kinda supercharge i get when i'm shopping.
no meteor garden this year for me to drool over jerry yan and his gentlemanliness dimples.. last year i was wholly content alternating between meteor garden and alias.

times change i guess. :P what's remained of last year .. let's see.
- my closest friends.
- i still am reduced to a puddle of gooeyness when i see nice hair, dimples.. ahhh..
- still don't like beef.
- still have lack of self control with shopping.

hmm cannot think of anymore at the moment. :P btw, does anyone know anything about furniture assembling coz my desk isn't coming together.. :( i'm very sad.

okay byebye!

(11:45 PM) House of Lee:	body/soul/spirit
(11:45 PM) xinbean._.:	.<">
(11:45 PM) xinbean._.:	im confuseeeed
(11:45 PM) House of Lee:	ur soul
(11:45 PM) xinbean._.:	lets try this again.. body is flesh.. soul is..
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	we say HOLY SPIRIT
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	and its an entity
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	we can't see it
(11:46 PM) xinbean._.:	yup
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	we have earth realm
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	spiritual realm right?
(11:46 PM) xinbean._.:	this is a new concept, but go on
(11:46 PM) House of Lee:	ur spirit is the body of the spiritual world
(11:46 PM) xinbean._.:	ahhh
(11:46 PM) xinbean._.:	now it's getting clearer
(11:47 PM) House of Lee:	ding?
(11:47 PM) xinbean._.:	and these exist.. simultaneously
(11:47 PM) xinbean._.:	ding
(11:47 PM) xinbean._.:	so when our body ceases to exist, what's left .. is the body of the spiritual world.
(11:47 PM) House of Lee:	yep
(11:47 PM) xinbean._.:	wow
(11:47 PM) House of Lee:	mmm its fuzzy but basically something like that

wow deepness.

we (glo/pris/xin) are celebrating our birthdays on sat 9th dec. making it a small thing with close friends we all share, reason being that so many people seem to have taken off overseas for the summer. next year though, it'll be big. !
rsvp if you've been emailed.