relatively emo entry. skip if you cbb.

this morning at around four, i woke up from.. a really weird dream. i dreamt that my piano was in the fish and chips shop where i work (?!) and peter, the new manager sold it. i was reaaaally upset.. and i started crying and shouting at peter. and then i quit and threw my hat at him. (the ugly one)

i know i'm weird. anyway, after that dream saga, the pastor of my church came to bless our house. i could hear my dad sigh and shuffle his feet during the prayer. then we dropped my sister off at a friend's house and went to shoppo where i finally got my photos! and i sent in a few more (okay about 80) for developing. then we went to look for curtains and blah blah.

here's the.. emo bit. i quarrelled with my mum (again) because she always thinks i'm exploiting my sister and i'm treating her like crap or something.. and yes, i do admit i take advantage of her niceness sometimes, but when it comes down to it i really do love her to bits even though it may not show very much.. and my mum really thinks that i exploit her and use her and she tries to "protect" my sister by picking on me sometimes.. (agreed by both my sister and i) sigh.. it's really really hard to see someone's heart, know their good and bad and still love them for it.. that's why i say my sister has a big heart.. she knows i'm stubborn and bad tempered and lazy and unreasonable and selfish and jealous and the list goes on and she's still nice to me. yes, i'm very thankful for my sister.

and.. it hurts a bit that my mum would think i'm so mean to her.. there's alot of things she doesn't see.. and she just assumes.

anyway..some things you find out, you can't imagine it.. and then you can't imagine not having known, but you wish you hadn't found out in the first place. makes sense? changes your whole perspective on things, makes you realize how things on the inside you never really know from what you see on the outside.

did alot of thinking today without even consciously doing it.. school's starting again and it feels like i haven't had much of a break. in the end, there's more things to think about.. i'm scared about something and it's not something i can say.

._.