rawr.. house moving is such a tiring business. i'm so drained after an afternoon's worth of scoping out lightings, carpets, furnitures, etc. it felt like i was playing sims for a bit, until it sort of sank it that there's no cheats to use to make yourself unlimitedly rich and that everything costs a bomb. then i realized how much poorer (well not poor in general terms) but comparatively, since moving here. there's always a second consideration now of whether it's affordable..

i realize that i sound like a really spoilt singaporean girl who's not exactly used to not having everything i want, but that's pretty accurate coz i usually wheedle my way into getting the things i want. say, striking a deal with my dad in exchange for good results or something. i'm pretty good at bargaining when it comes down to it, but today i kinda realized that it's not a matter of bargaining, it's that we don't really have the resources anymore to facilitate meeting most of my wants.

and that reaaaally sucks, the feeling of disappointment. (i think that's another of my fears, being disappointed) so i never really like to place too high hopes on anything (or anyone, for that matter) coz i don't like not being in control of the outcome of things and being let down in terms of expectations.

at the end of it, i'm a spoilt determined stubborn person who is reaaaaaally unaccustomed to not getting my way ._.

i saw so many things i really liked today, and the excitement of it was overwhelming coz it's the first time i'm having my own room and space and i just want it to be something that i can proudly say i decorated and chose everything for. i even had this idea of getting a huge board and collaging a gazillion photos on it and putting it on the wall. then i thought about all the costs of developing all that photos, and that aspiration sorta went down the drain. there's so many things i need coz my room is good-sized, and at the moment we're looking for bedframes, bedside tables (those are dispensable), a wardrobe, mirror, study desk, chair, shelves.. (which leads to the thought that i need a desktop soon), a vanity table.. not to mention those little decoration things that personalize the room. oh, and those don't include carpeting, curtains, paint, quilts..........

which of course means MORE MONEY..

and i'm not the only person who has wants.

THE WANTS ARE NEVER ENDING and the resources are rapidly draining.

i wish i had an active role in determining my income..coz when i do, i'll make sure i won't be disappointed. or at least minimally disappointed, but not sad.

RAR. i give up. at the end of the day, i should remember that such things are material temptations, and that i should really be chasing spiritual riches.

yup. so whatever i get.. i'll take.. and learn to deal with it.. until i'm in charge ;)