i think i never realised how soothing my weekly dose of CSI is for me. it's a time to kick back, relax, and watch unfortunate people die gory deaths and smart sciencey people poke into it, all enthusiasm for doing justice and all that. if i were sciencey in any way, that's where i'd be heading. forensic science.

how come the careers everyone seems to want is so realistic and achievable whereas what i want seems so far out of reach, it's practically impossible? i wanted to be a princess, a vet, a psychiatrist, a forensic scientist, a journalist.. blah blah.

why can't i want to be like an optometrist or a nurse or something.

i just came back from watching the churchies play like an hours' straight of fifa world cup on ps2. (at least i think that's what it is, if its a console game?) and i nearly fell asleep. after finishing, for lack of anything better to do someone suggested truth or dare.

i reaaally.. don't like that game. for one, there's alot of things i'd rather keep to myself.. and i'd like it to stay that way, so for that reason.. sometimes there's things people don't know about me that they think they might. everyone's got their secrets and i'm entitled to mine.. coz when you tell someone a 'secret' it hardly stays secret for long, whether it's through your fault or not.. why even take the risk?

it wouldn't be so bad if i were a pro liar, but when you're playing in a group and your best friends are playing right beside you.. (and they KNOW when you're lying).. pftt.. it's even more embarrassing being caught lying that admitting a bad 'truth' i reckon.

and clearly there's juicy gossip that everyones hungry to derive from you. (hell, even i'd perk up at the chance to get someone's deepest darkest confession to a question i really wanted to know) here's the even more awkward thing.. the questions people are itching to ask and hanging in the air, but not sure if they're crossing the line by asking... and the flinch of people when the spinner in the middle points that uncomfortable finger at them.. and you know immediately they're anticipating all the possible questions they'd get and thinking of how to answer.

so that was how it was, the uncomfortable too-personal questions hanging in the air, the barely-there attempt to cover it up with a lighter, sillier question.. and a whole unsettled feeling in general. everyone had to go once truth or dare. whoever came up with this game is pretty smart. eitherways, you're subject to the other person's devious intents. i was really glad when it was over... if i really had to choose between not playing and not knowing anyone's secrets in exchange for baring mine.. then.. yeah, i'd rather not know. no doubt about it, i'd lie through my teeth if i had to. smiling, even.

some things are best left to yourself and nobody else.

for that matter.. don't always be too sure you know a person.. coz you might be shocked one day.

anyway, i had to get a lift off someone again.. and i'm always getting lifts off people coz my parents aren't too willing to send me places. which i highly inconvenient for other people.. man i want my car and my P's already.

rawr at all the bad things in the world, the cutesy posers and the end of sex and the city.