An entry for a special friend
It's strange how it takes a heartwrenching situation for people to come together and care. It's sad how the vessel that carries the message has to be a beautiful, strong, amazing 19 year old girl. I can honestly say, I've never known a person as brave as her. I don't care who did what in which war, but honestly, they haven't been through a quarter of what she has.
They say she's in ICU, fighting for her life, too weak to even acknowledge a person's presence. I wonder if she feels God's presence surrounding her, whether she knows the Holy Spirit is always by her, and whether she knows that all of us think of her and pray for her. Her presence at church for me was always noted, but it seems like a friend I've passed over the chance to know, or perhaps haven't made a great enough effort. However many times I've spoken to her, something about her shines through more than anything else, her patience, her courage, her spirit. She glows inside even when she pales outside. One special memory I have of her is when the situation was reversed - me being the sickly afraid person, so afraid that I would wake up to an eternal world of darkness. But she visited me, and in all her warmth and encouragement, said to me she knew how I felt. And those words meant more to me than anything else anyone could have said.
It's true that nobody could comprehend the pain she suffers everyday. For someone in her position, every day is a gift from God. Makes you think - what do you do with your daily gifts from God? do you plod through life aimlessly and meaninglessly, when there are people out there filled with a future and a purpose but not even given the chance to try?
It's funny how when you're really sick...you can never imagine how to get better...can't even think about how to feel positive and can't even remember what it's like to feel well. Suddenly the pain is so much you are convinced that you are going to die, but you just don't want to admit it out loud. You become scared, really scared inside, because you cannot control your body...and no matter what medicine you pump in, it just rebels with full force. Like a tornado adamant to rip you up inside out.
Though your parents will say "It's going to be alright" and "Trust in the Lord"... you just want the pain to go away. But when the worst is over, it seems impossible to return to the previous situation/feelings + emotions. One can't even remember the pain, not to the extent that it hurt. You can't even believe the pain you might have gone through...because you can't feel that pain anymore, you're better + you never want to go through it again...
All you can think about is................. you're better! All you can marvel at, is God's grace. All you can do is praise God that he has given you rest, and he has had mercy on your body and soul.
off her blog, this is painfully twisting. Disease is an awful thing. If people were judged by merits, she'd be the last person I know who deserves this. But yet it's what's made her so special - her eternal faith and trust in God and His will for her, even when it feels like her body's tormented to the last it can take.
It's numbing to think of - honestly, it feels like a picture without color to me. I can imagine her in the cold sterile room, empty of warmth and home, and the hissing of a respirator as it pumps oxygen into her frail body. I can imagine her floating in and out of consciousness - and I wonder in those scarce moments, what is she thinking of? Is she thinking of death, of relief, of salvation, of meeting her Maker? Is she hoping with a fire that is slowly dying out? Is she at peace? Can she even think?
Are we all prepared to meet our Maker? Is our perspective on life, the unexpected twists and bounds it can take, changing because she has shown us what it's like to have something you take for granted and have it taken away? No doubt everyone's had their doses of that - but when it's something as fragile as health and life, do we all really take each passing day as a gift, one that we should make full use of and treasure?
imagine for over a year, you battle with your body for control of it, and everytime you feel like you could be getting better, your hopes are dashed. and yet it's that tiny flicker, that possibility that a day will come where everything will be in the past and seem like a bad nightmare, that keeps you going. perhaps it's the flicker that's extinguished when a person finally gives up.
all i know is that, Caris has shown me the capriciousness of life. i only hope that she doesn't pay such an awful price for it. whatever happens, let's keep this beautiful strong girl who shines as a testimony to faith every single day in our hearts and keep on praying for her.
it's time for her to take flight - whether it's by death as a release or whether she is miraculously cured.. she's poised now.. and so are we.. just waiting.. and praying.
to caris - you might not ever read this, but you've shown me so much through your faith. you're an inspiration and God's spirit shines through you.. you're beautiful inside and out, stay strong and don't be afraid.. God is with you, and no matter what, He will do what is best for you..
John 11:2-4: "And it was that Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment, and wiped his feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. The sisters therefore sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick. But when Jesus heard it, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified thereby."
