aihs.. so here i am blogging again because i got nothing better to do. -.- fine i admit it lah.. i'm just some sad no-lifer who is sick of studying.. i've had it up to THERE with general or psych or chinese.. meh. i'll just continue tomorrow. i feel like i'm somewhat on track though, so that's good. maybe that's my weakness.. i'm probably too easily satisfied with how i'm going; and that makes it all the more easier to backslide. just.like.that. *snaps fingers* i know that feeling all too well.. when it just doesn't matter anymore.. because - screw the world! you're having fun. who cares if you're the next generation of aunties or uncles that sit outside the toilet collecting 10c from every urgent patroniser? =x

whew. lucky i moved here.

okay, so i might just stab at vectors a little bit more later. eep. psych results are out monday. somehow i don't think i've grasped the severity of VCE just yet.. and how it determines your whole life.. 'cuz i'm nervous, but somehow it hasn't started sinking in yet. *deep breath* bubbles of anxiety are forming in my tummy and suddenly the room seems to have dropped a few degrees. i can only hope i did well... either that or everyone else did crap. =x hopefully it's the former. i can't rate how much effort i put in - but towards the end.. i just couldn't be bothered anymore.. kinda felt like i already knew my stuff y'know? argh. who knows if an extra hour could've made a difference between an A and a B+.. and.. seriously..psych screws with your head.. i wasn't sure that some questions weren't trick questions just there to get poor naive gullible psych students all hyped up on adrenaline before an exam.. and unable to function in normal mental capacity. yup, that sounds like me.

i'll be ever so glad just to make it pass this friday. lake house awaits for me! :D i keep on wondering whether they got to meet eventually. btw, sandra bullock and keanu reaves make a smashing couple, don't you think?

followed by a weekend of sort-of relaxing. sort.. of =x

something got me thinking today.. do we treasure things around us that we've gotten used to simply coz we know it's there? the people you leave waiting for ages coz ur late.. the conversation u see flashing in the corner of your screen but you're just too lazy to click on and reply.. the phone call that beeps continuously but is never picked up.. the little faithful pet sitting in a corner waiting for some sort of acknowledgement.. the stuffed toy you always wanted collecting dust on your shelf..the appointment you choose to give it a miss coz u simply didn't feel like it..the food u leave half-eaten on the table..the piano in the corner of the room so old and untouched that its hopelessly out of tune and the keys are yellow.. the shoes and clothes hidden away that you bought on an itch that faded as soon as it was scratched?

what happens if one day we all woke up in a completely alien place.. one where we didn't know a single familiar thing to us.. panic takes hold.. and you'd give everything to be back in your comfort zone. the stronger would adapt and survive, the weaker would continue pining for what was.

should we all step out of our comfort zone once in awhile..? so that when we step back in.. we embrace everything we have.. and appreciate things to their full value.. the friends you think will always be there.. the room you never clean.. the memorabilia collecting dust in the corner.. lifeless but at the same time priceless in the sentiments they hold.. the person who watched you from a corner and would do anything to make you happy.. and you didn't even know they existed?

open your eyes and take in life :) every sunny day.. every bright blue sky.. every special moment with your loved ones.. every note of music..

don't be too caught up in your own world. once in awhile, everyone needs a reminder of how lucky and how special their life is. all i'm saying is, get OFF that computer once in awhile and do something that really counts.

so i was saying, i was reading some archives from last year. :D i'm seriously going to find my pride rock. and i definitely mean to volunteer at spca sometime. at least i've finally put my name down for child sponsoring. one day, i'm gonna go horse-riding just like the good ol' days back in singapore where i was such a crazy horse fanatic that i'd sacrifice friday afternoons to go all the way to the other side of singapore to sit on a bucking horse for one hour and get my head rattled needlessly in the helmet. =p it was fun though.

if every precious memory one held could paint a spectrum of color in the sky we'd have an aurora borealis today.. right now!

ughh.. it's what, one week into my dad being back and i've already gotten told off. same old thing throughout my whole life. a broken recorder saying ugly things over and over. so, so, so sick of it all that i've mastered the art of an expressionless (lest i get told off for facial expressions) face for a full hour and i can fully stare at one point for ages because if i look away it's disrespect. when will he understand that i don't want to spend time with him, don't have anything to say to him, because there simply is no relationship? it's no ones fault that ours is an unfortunate pairing where we will never ever agree or get along. i'm not a great family member, but hey- i don't give people crap. just leave me alone and i'm fully self-functioning, own ecosystem and all.. =x okay bad joke. and after all that about appreciating things in life, i can honestly say i've never missed him when he's been away (well it's always been like that ever since as long as i can remember) and a pit of dread always forms in my heart whenever he comes back. and somewhere into the second week of his return, the Talk comes.. or perhaps i should say one-way conversation because i stand there like a zombie and tune out. and then another one or two weeks of needless comments, ugly nasty things meant to prick, (and how does that improve our relationship?) and picking on.. i'm ready to go out of my mind.. the insanity of it all.. and then i just shut it all out.. push it all down.. and swallow everything that comes up like something ready to explode. and eventually i wrestle it under control and i just live in my house like it's a hotel - do what i have to, sleep and get out. and then he goes home and i breathe again.. until occassional (lately, more often) flare ups with my mum. why is it i just can't get along with my parents? i envy the easiness other people have.. and yet it's something i can't acheive. to think of mum & me on a bonding shopping trip or something like most mum-and-daughters do.. is almost laughable. to think of dad & me doing anything together is hilarious. never. will. happen. it's something i've given up on. heck, i wish i lived with my grandparents instead. it's so different with my grandparents.. yes we've had our fair share of fights, tantrums and tears, but at the end of the day, after years have passed, my grandparents have both mellowed into gentle loving people, more willing than anything to just love us unconditionally no matter what we do.. and that's what makes it so great.. it's fully reciprocal.. i have no pride whatsoever when it comes to my grandparents - i'd do anything for them. i tell them i love them all the time - and i mean it.. there's no two people in the world that i could love more selflessly. and that's probably saying alot. and i probably don't deserve all the love and care i get from my wonderful grandparents, but they lavish it on me anyway. and the funny bit is.. even though there are things we don't agree on.. we're always willing to compromise for the sake of the other. now that, is.. the most.. perfect human relationship. unconditional love no matter what.