ahhh.. hurt..hurt >< my arms hurt from badminton.. i ache all over from three months' worth of consecutive sleep on the sofa every night.. which can be comfortable at first..but when you have to lie still the whole night cos u can't roll sideways or you'll just roll off the sofa.. it's horrible sleep. i'm sleeping on the sofa presently because i'm probably the only member of the family short enough to fit the length of the sofa. -.-" lucky me.
uhhmm.. man.. i was hit by a bout of depression today.. or was it the past few days.. i can't tell because it's been highs and lows, but temporary highs.. before dropping back down again.. and the feeling sucks.. to be trying to occupy yourself.. so that you don't have so much time left for thinking.. because thinking ultimately results in wallowing in pits of self pity.. i know it could sound quite cliched.. but i've been feeling very alone lately.. sort of like.. i'm still holding back.. and i don't know why.. and yesterday someone told me something i needed to hear though i guess i didn't want to.. that i had to start learning to make my own decisions instead of always relying on people.. because there might come a day when there's no one to rely on.. when i asked the person what he meant.. he merely replied that he was talking crap.. but it bothered me and so i went home and mulled over it for awhile.. till i got what he said.. yes..
because things change.. no matter how secure your life feels in one moment.. no matter how perfect, how stable, how happy.. the next minute it can all come crashing down.. not that i'm going through that right now.. but my life now does seem like a far cry from some of the happiest moments of last year.. where it seemed like nothing in the world could be wrong.. because my life was so happy and perfect.. at least.. i was.. now things are quite different.. it feels like being caught.. with no place to go.. because you don't fully belong anywhere but maybe you don't want to either.. i don't know.. i suppose its the question of choosing between ten good friends and two best friends.. or something like that.. yeah.. what would you choose?
cos i'm drifting.. just drifting.. with nowhere to go home to.
yeah, that's what it feels like right now.
so i was left hanging in one of my conversations just then.. when i really felt like crap and would've wanted company.. yeah.. felt like i was deserted.. but whatever.. i decided to dump on other people..
according to zhiming.. i think way too *beeping * much and should just be happy and settle down.. and he did cheer me up sufficiently.. (:
and according to melly.. she is very deep.. i cant really remember what she said but i felt better after that..
and according to jan.. pic nics are cool..
i love them all dearly too =)
i was watching the ducks on the lake just then.. and it occurred to me that they do seem to have a rather peaceful life.. just..swimming or flying.. it's quite concern-free..but that's the price of intelligence.. complications that come with it..
i'm not making sense now am i? i think i'm rambling. (jan you're right, i do ramble.)
