....something i wanted so much..right up till this morning..and now i think i have a chance of getting it..but things are different now..the thought of going to KL with pris and glo when i'm not so close with them anymore doesn't really make me feel excited..imagining being left out and alone in KL too with just them..even the thought of going to china now only excites me cos i'm doing God's work..but i have a feeling i'll probably feel really left out..but nvm :) i'm not going to china for social reasons. now, about KL.. it's crazy i'm thinking about it before my maths exam, but i really didn't think i'd have a chance to go. but now that it seems possible again..it's struck me how i'm not so close with them anymore and it would be weird..i don't feel it when i'm with either one of them (duh) because it's just two people in a conversation. but when it gets more than two people it feels like three's a crowd and i'm the crowd because they tend to have the conversation directed solely at each other, with me just listening there not getting it. no, it's not a nice feeling. and no, ellice (if you're reading this) i don't wanna tell them because i don't really want them to change the way they joke and laugh and talk to each other because they feel conscious of me. i reckon i should get over it. and i will, soon. anyway, during this time that i've felt awkward and more, God's given me a wonderful friend to cherish! bena! not that she hasn't always been there, but so much more these days and even more than she knows. i love her to bits. :) and i hope that whatever decision i make, it's the right one.
